Never His in the First Place
by PadfootIsMyHomeDawg
Summary: sequel to Stolen Innocence. onesided RLSB, implied past JPSB. He would do whatever he could to protect Harry from Sirius' insanity, even if it meant breaking his heart multiple times in the process. Because he knew - Sirius could never be his. His heart belonged to James, as much as he wished otherwise.
1. Chapter 1

**Due to popular request, I've posted the sequel/side story/thingymajigger-whose-name-I-am-not-clear-on to Stolen Innocence. I ****_suppose _****you could read this as its own fic, but it will make more sense if you've read Stolen Innocence first. (copy-and-paste this into your browser and remove all of the spaces: s/ 10425914 /1/ Stolen - Innocence)**

**Hope you guys love!**

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Remus knew Sirius didn't love him. Of course he knew it – he'd known it for a long time. Since Fourth Year, to be exact, when he had accidentally stumbled across James and Sirius together in the dorm when the door hadn't been locked. It had been rather awkward, and the look of bliss on both boys' faces – especially Sirius' – before they had noticed him had been heart wrenching. He remembered stumbling out of there rather awkwardly, and in the following days and weeks he had pretended that it either didn't matter, or that the reason he felt so awkward around them was because he was uncomfortable with his friends doing _that _together, when all the while he was crying himself to sleep and trying to put together the shattered pieces of his bleeding heart.

Then had come the nights when the boys forgot to put up _silencio_, and Remus listened in on more than a few of their lusty encounters. He wasn't particularly turned on by the whole bondage thing, but the sound of Sirius' voice talking dirty words at the boy below him had caused him to have more than a few wanking sessions as he imagined Sirius talking that way to _him_.

And he knew that it was wrong – wrong to lust after someone so obviously already taken – but he honestly couldn't help it. Then James had finally gotten Lily, and he had thought for a few brief moments that he would stop what he had with Sirius. But when he had casually mentioned it to Sirius, the dark-haired boy had simply said that things would continue as they had been, and then made some sort of dirty joke that Remus couldn't hear over the sound of his heart breaking _again_ as he realized that he could _never _have Sirius. Not that he deserved him. Even after James and Lily's marriage, even after Lily found out about their ongoing relationship, even after Lily gave birth to little Harry – Sirius still belonged to James, and James to Sirius.

And then James had died. For the few hours before he had found out that Sirius had supposedly betrayed them, he had felt wretchedly guilty in thinking that – perhaps _now _– he and Sirius could become something. He was heartbroken at James and Lily's demise, of course, but he couldn't help but have hope for him and Sirius.

But that hope was shattered, like so many other things in his life had, and Remus was left alone. He supposed now that perhaps the reason he had believed Sirius to be so guilty after that Halloween night was because of his own heart telling him all of those lies – that Sirius was cold-hearted enough to leave Remus but go after a _married man with a son _so he _had _to have been able to betray said man to save himself. And that was absolutely stupid, he realized now – with no small measure of guilt.

Then Sirius was freed again. Well, not completely – his prison had simply gone from Azkaban to Grimmauld Place, because the world still thought he was guilty. Remus had thought that he was over his schoolboy crush now, but when he began to be around his old friend much more over the summer, he found that he might actually be in love with him.

But he saw the way Sirius looked at Harry at times – it was the same way he used to look at James before later Remus would hear them behind the curtains in their dorm. And after a couple of weeks of observation, he had concluded that Sirius was insane from Azkaban, and whenever he saw that look appear, he would talk him down and back to earth. Many of these instances were forgotten by Sirius later, but Remus could see that the instances were growing closer and closer together, and so he kept a closer watch on him.

But then came that fateful night when he had walked into Sirius' room and found Sirius, asleep on his bed, and Harry, naked next to him, staring vacantly at him from a tear-stained face. Blood trickled to the bed, and the smell of sex had been heavy in the air. He had known immediately what had happened, and he felt his heart tear again firstly for Harry and what he went through, and secondly for himself at the sure confirmation that Sirius could not let his old lover go.

And Harry – wise Harry – had begged Remus to obliviatehis godfather, so he wouldn't feel the guilt of what he had done, if he had remembered. But Remus knew that Harry needed to forget too, and so he obliviated _him_, too. Keeping true to his word to Harry, he obliviated Sirius, too – he never found out whether Sirius would've remembered or not, but he wasn't going to take that chance.

But obliviating the both of them wouldn't solve anything – it would be like it had never happened, and Sirius might even go after Harry again the very next day. No, something else had to be done.

It wasn't hard to charm himself to look like James Potter, Remus discovered. The hard part had been putting aside his own feelings for Sirius so that he could help Harry without hurting himself too much. He didn't want Harry to have to go through anything like he had again – it was bad enough that it had happened only once.

The first time, Remus was nervous, and Sirius had seemed to sense it, because he seemed much gentler than it seemed he had been with Harry. The thought made him angry for a bit – Harry had been sobbing, _pleading _for Sirius to stop while being ignored all the while, but when Remus came willingly, Sirius watched his emotions and went according to them.

But the anger soon passed, because when Sirius rocked into him, Remus could believe – just for a moment – that Sirius loved _him_, _Remus_. Chests pressed together, slicked with sweat, Remus hadn't been able to resist pulling Sirius down for a kiss that sent sparks through him.

But the illusion was destroyed when Sirius finally came, and he moaned someone else's name – _"James."_

Remus had bit his lip to keep silent as he came between them, though what he really wanted to do was say _Sirius' _name, to _shout _it, really, and show him how much he loved the man. But to say that would only hurt him more.

After that it fell into a routine. His heart tore more with every passing fuck – because that's what this felt like, whenever Sirius would say _James' _name instead of _Remus_. Not that it was entirely Sirius' fault – he _did _look like James, after all…or close enough, anyway. And even though Remus hated the bondage part of it – it was painful and was just _not _a turn-on – he just couldn't force himself to stop. He didn't want Harry to be hurt again, and after their nightly romps, Sirius _did _seem to be a bit saner more often in the daytime. And Sirius hadn't even seemed to realize what was going on, caught up in the insanity that he was.

Another part of him craved it, though – Sirius was like a drug that he couldn't get enough of, even for how much it hurt him.

But he was deteriorating, and he knew it, though he was loathe to admit it. And one day, he had an epiphany – that he just wanted it all to go away. It would be better if Sirius died, because then Sirius would be with James again, and he would have _real_ happiness. Remus suspected that even the insane part of Sirius was beginning to realize that James was really gone, if the increasing frequency of tears in Sirius' eyes as they fucked around was anything to go by.

And it was the very same day that he received that epiphany that the occupants of Grimmauld Place received word that Harry had gone to the Department of Mysteries to save a godfather who wasn't there.

And when Sirius finally fell through the Veil, they made eye contact, for the briefest of moments. There was a look of realization in Sirius' eyes – of what he had done to Remus, and to Harry, and everything in between. His look to Remus conveyed sorrow and remorse for what he'd done, but also understanding for what _Remus _had done, and love and hope for him and for Harry.

Then the Veil drifted over his face, and he was gone – for good.

Harry ran forward, futilely trying to save his godfather, and Remus held him back. Sirius would be at peace now – why bring him back?

"There's nothing you can do, Harry," he said to the boy. "It's too late, Harry...he's gone." _He's home._

And Remus realized – he was okay with it. He could let Sirius go, after he died – he knew, especially based on that last look, that Sirius would be happy to be back with James. James would be happy to see Sirius again too, and be with him once more. And Remus found that that feeling of jealousy toward James that he'd harbored and tried to ignore since he was fourteen was gone now, and he could deal with it. Because Sirius was never _his _in the first place – his heart solely belonged to James.

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**That was a lot more sad than I originally intended it to be, and much less dark…oh, well. Hope you guys loved, and as always, click on that review button below and let me know how you liked it! Cheers!**


	2. AN: new sidefic

**Gosh…I had thought that I would only write ****_Stolen Innocence _****and then be done with it, but several people wanted a sequel, and so I wrote ****_Never His in the First Place_****. And I thought I'd be done there. And then several ****_more _****people asked to see Sirius' reaction and subsequent obliviation, and xharrypotter said (s)he would ****_pay _****to read that and then Sirius and Harry's reactions when they're back together again for the first time.**

**So, thank xharrypotter! It's mainly his/her PM that convinced me to write a side-fic, but all you other lovely people who said they wanted more, you're not forgotten! We need more people like you that will speak up…**

**Anyhoo, just go to my profile and it's there, titled "No Excuse". Hope you love! :)**

**P.S. No, I will not write any more on this plot - I think 3 fics are enough. ;p**


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